Sneeze
by Trupan
Summary: HUMOR - An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but screw the fruit if the doctor's cute - Meet Trunks: sick to the bone with a potential psycho mother who can't find out. Meet Pan:Doctor, she got pepper spray from Trunks for her birthday. How do they fit?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

--

"Dude, I can't _believe_ you got sick!" Goten snapped in frustration.

"Shut it Goten!" I growled, "It was your stupid idea to go jet skiing in the middle of winter!"

Goten and I stood in the middle of my bedroom arguing like a bunch of teenage girls. It was a cold day, which didn't help my being sick. Wrapped up in a thermal and fifty pairs of socks and perhaps three shirts, I shivered relentlessly trying to get control of my body. I failed.

"Uh-yeah! Only because I _thought_ you'd be strong enough to withstand the cold. If I knew you were such a pansy, I wouldn't have suggested it." Goten glared at me, folding his arms across his chest.

It was true; I caught the cold over the weekend when Goten and I went jet skiing off the coast. Of course, us being Saiyans we thought the waves by the coast weren't big enough for us. So we turned it up a notch and decided to go to the Niagara Falls for a little thrill. Mother would of course have my head for even suggesting the trip so Goten and I had snuck off. Nobody really suspected anything other than Goten and I looking for some waves nearby. Being a Saiyan made the trip easy and to be honest, it was embarrassing that I still had to ask permission from my mom.

The trip ended up being a disaster. The only reason I can come up with was karma and it being a bitch as always. Oh and Goten, he's a bitch too.

Goten, hadn't checked the weather so we ended up going during the coldest weekend. Lucky us. To make matters worse, Goten insisted that we'd be fine and that a couple of chills weren't going to damage us.

I was the idiot to believe him. His wasn't even shivering, but I remembered my teeth chattering while riding some of the currents. Goten thought it'd be funny to mock me. I couldn't take his jabbing. It was puncturing holes in my shivering ego so I challenged him to a race. It was from one end of the river to the other, no powers and definitely no flying.

I don't know how it happened, but I found myself – somewhere in the midst of an adrenaline rush – catapulting _down_ the river. If you didn't know or are unable to figure it out, that was not part of the challenge. But Goten always did have his own set of rules to match his brain wave and in this case, he happened to be the perpetrator who cut in front of me resulting in my said crash.

Let's just say that in the end, my teeth weren't the only things chattering. I thought my testicles were vibrating.

"Do you have _any_ idea what my mother will do if she finds out about our trip! She'll tear my face in two!" I nearly shouted. Why didn't he understand the severity of the situation? Was it that hard to grasp? I mean, instead of bitching, he could help me think of some excuse to tell my dearest psycho mother.

Goten laughed, "That'd be great! I'm sure the fan girls will appreciate it."

I glared at him in the fiercest way I possibly could because he had to _feel_ my need to rip his head. He knew that that was a rough subject for me. I'd help anyone in this world except for those psychotic no-name girls stalking me at every turn. This fish was not available. Besides, I just had a huge fight with Pan and me being sick was not going to go well. Me getting torn to shreds by mom wasn't going to help either. I hadn't even apologized for whatever I did that upset her and by the looks of things, I doubt I'd be able to anytime soon.

If life were a person, I'd kill it.

No, I take that back; I'd strangle the bastard than shove its face down a concrete wall before I kill it. Yeah, now that would bring pleasure.

"Dude, if you keep pep talking yourself, I'm just going to hold a conversation with the wall behind you. It might respond faster," Goten smirked as my eyes narrowed on his stupid face. I thought best friends were supposed to be someone you wanted around all the time. Right now, I wanted to pretend Goten was the bastard life and throw him out the window.

Dammit, I thought while trying to picture my previous thought. He wouldn't even have a scratch on him even if I did throw him out! Son of a -!

"You act like you've never done that before. You're infamous for talking to inanimate objects, so why hide it from me?" I snapped, hoping I hit a nerve.

Goten's eyes shot open with a mighty scowl on his face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

I rolled my eyes and laid down on my king sized bed with my hands behind my head. Every now and then I'd feel a shiver shoot through my spine but I was slowly warming up. Goten sat himself down on my computer chair on the left side of me, rolling around on my hardwood floor. It was obvious he didn't care about the subject anymore but I still continued.

"You talk to your food before eating them," I reminded him sarcastically.

I couldn't resist. Goten toppled over the chair and glared at me from his uncomfortable position on the floor. I laughed and closed my eyes. Few seconds later, I sneezed and sneezed and sneezed and sneezed.

_Shit!_

"Who's laughing now snot face?" Goten clutched his sides as he guffawed in my room.

"I need a doctor," I groaned.

"Call your family doctor," Goten suggested.

"Yeah right!" I jeered. "He'll tell my mom about our trip and if he does that, it means no more Trunks Briefs without an R.I.P. sign before it."

I pushed myself up on my elbows and turned to my left to steadily grill my best friend with my eyes for even suggesting a ludicrous idea. Why couldn't the Lord have given him enough brain cells to help me in situations like these?

"Uh," Goten scratched his head. "Looks like you're royally screwed, bro."

I rolled my eyes. "Thank you, Captain Neanderthal."

I sniffed and sneezed again, the entire force of it stabbing my throat and chest with pain. My eyes drifted to the right where a picture frame of Pan and I hung on my wall. It was her college graduation. She looked extremely happy and messy in the picture, having rained during the ceremony, but she clung tightly to me and we both had a cheesy smile on our faces.

And that's when it clicked.

"Duh!" I hit my forehead and in the late realization. Stupid! Goten looked at me half amused half curious, raising one eyebrow.

"Who's girlfriend just graduated from medical school?" I grinned, reaching for my cell phone.

"Uh, yours?"

"Exactly!" I said, bringing the phone to my ear.

"Did you forget she told you not to call unless you were going to apologize?"

_DAMMIT!_

I frowned and hung up before it got to the second ring. What was it that I did again? I tapped my fingers on the receiver, thinking back to the fight.

"_Pan, I don't want those guys to even think you're available," I huffed as she shuffled around in her room, trying to find her work out clothes. She turned over boxes and tackled through her clothes in the closet. She didn't respond, disappearing in the mass walk-in closet she had in her room. _

_She emerged a few minutes later and stared at me. I frowned and sat on her bed, resting my elbows on my thighs and twitting me thumbs about in frustration. _

"_Are you listening?" I asked after no response._

_She picked up sweat pants that were lying under her feet and examined it with a scrunched up face. She looked cute but I wasn't about to tell her that when I wanted her to be serious about this problem._

"_Yes, Trunks. I am listening to you. However, I don't understand why you're so worked up over a couple of guys. They know I'm dating you so what's the big deal?"_

_I sighed and straightened my posture. "Because!" I nearly shouted. "Men don't know shit about boundaries. If they see something they like, they'll go head first for it. And you happen to be the object they're diving for."_

_She narrowed her eyes at me. I wanted to wipe the sweat that suddenly exploded on my forehead but that would be a sign of weakness. Hold strong Trunks or else she'll whip cream your ass._

"_Do you know what today is?" she asked._

_I raised a brow at her in confusion. She took that as a no. Dropping whatever was in her hand she walked toward me menacingly. I wanted to scoot back but I dared not move. She might attack. Chicks were crazy and a Saiyan chick was straight psychotic. _

_Pan crouched to my level, slowly brought her hands up and caressed my neck. I stiffened at first but quickly relaxed under her massage. My eyes fluttered close as her hands worked magic on my neck and shoulder. Suddenly she stopped and before I could open my eyes, she gripped my collar and yanked me toward her. My eyes shot open in surprise to see her glowering at me._

"_It's. My. Birth. Day." She seethed._

_Oh boy. Not good. A major fail. _

_Thinking quickly, I grabbed her wrists gently and stood up, faking a grin._

"_I didn't forget baby."_

_She gave me skeptical look._

"_Seriously," I assured her. "I've got your present here with me now."_

_Thinking about the bottle in my pocket, I reached and grabbed it. She stepped back expectantly, her face lifting in excitement. _

_Sweet! _

_I pulled it out slowly. In that instant I felt a sharp sting on my right cheek, my head snapping to the left._

"_YOU GOT ME PEPPER SPRAY FOR MY BIRTHDAY?" she roared._

I winced at the memory. I recall landing on my ass a couple minutes later. Good thing I grabbed that spray before she had a chance to try it out on me. I did need to apologize to her, in all truth. But I couldn't stand those guys staring at her! If she had just taken the damn thing and used it, we'd both be happy. I wouldn't complain and she wouldn't be present-less! It made perfect sense to me so why couldn't she see it?

Oh that's right. Females are on a different radio wave, thus anything I say is retarded in their comparison. Of course Pan never actually voices such opinions but I can read it in her eyes. The Lord couldn't possibly have given me the gift of understanding the female language but he was generous enough for me to read Pan's expressions. I suppose I should be thankful that I've at least got something to help me, but I think the language thing would have worked out better. I'm just saying, God.

"Well, I'll call and apologize and then ask for a favor," I amended.

Goten quirked an eyebrow. "This is Pan we're talking about. She's not about to forgive you and do you a favor all in the same day."

I blew a strand of hair that fell in front of my face and leaned back on to my comfy bed. He was right. Pan is completely pure hearted, but somehow I'm excluded from that privilege. I suppose it went away the moment we started dating. If I weren't so in love with her, I'd probably break it off with her just to get on her good side.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I pondered on the lesser of two evils and decided against my better judgment that I should call Pan and ask for her help. I flipped my phone and sat down on my bed once more. I sighed and dialed.

Goten mouthed 'good luck,' but I was already hearing the second ring when Pan answered in a terse voice. I explained to her what happened and how sick I was in probably thirty seconds. I'm sure my words were jumbled up but I knew that if I gave her room to talk, there would be a string of curse words and I wasn't ready to be let down just yet.

"What makes you think I'm going to help you, Trunks Vegeta Briefs?" Pan demanded over the line.

I winced at her tone but reminded myself that it was the only option I could take without actually leaving my room and being seen by my mom. Goten was still here, as I requested, to keep my curious mother at bay. She probably thinks we're having guy talk or something and any unwanted attention was crucial to my well-being.

"Baby," I whined. "You're my only hope! I promise to get you something better for your birthday."

"My birthday has passed, Trunks. And it's not about the present it's about the thought that counts." Pan always had a way of reprimanding me. Even through a phone conversation, high up on a mountain. Yep, versatile she is.

"So, what can I do to make amends?" I asked, having no clue what to do at all.

"You can apologize and mean it," she reminded me.

"I'm deeply and forever sorry for the atrocious way I reacted that day," I recited.

"Idiot!" she shouted. "What did you do? Write out your apology speech like a politician?"

I coughed and sneezed, "Of course not! I hate politics!"

Goten motioned to me in frenzy, "Dude, not the right thing to say."

But it was too late to retract my words. I quickly heard the dial tone. I cursed under my breath and debated on my next move. I paced around my room, coming close to yanking my hair out when Goten snapped his fingers.

"I got it!" he grinned.

I raised an eyebrow.

"I've got a lady friend who happens to be a doctor. I'm sure if I make the call she can come here."

I frowned. "Goten, how can you get her up to my room without making it suspicious?"

"We can say that she's my girlfriend," he offered.

I thought about it. I guess it could work, though I wasn't too sure on the mental stability on this woman if she saw me. Not to brag or be egotistical, but I am pretty good looking and I've seen how women react to me. Let's just say it was a 'learned' and 'observed' type of thing.

Of course, the only woman who I'd want to react to me is Pan and of course she would be only woman who didn't care about my looks. Dammit, why couldn't she be shallow? I was getting off track of the real problem, but that woman made my head spin more than I found comfortable.

"Alright fine," I sighed in defeat. "But make sure she knows what she's doing. I don't want her poisoning me with a love potion or something freaky like that," I grunted.

But Goten was already on the phone making the call. I was uneasy about the whole situation. What if mom catches me lying? I'd be screwed from all angles! Plus, what if Pan doesn't forgive me? Man, this stupid trip and that stupid mistake threw my life in a hurricane.

"Alright, she's on her way," Goten snapped shut his phone and leaned back into the chair, getting comfortable.

I bit my lip, the uneasiness never faltering.

In thirty minutes a red sports car pulled up onto the driveway. Goten and I agreed for him to meet her at the door and role-play from there. He went downstairs while I situated myself under the covers. I really hope this girl isn't psycho. And what kind of doctor drove a flashy car like that? I thought they were modest?

Goten opened the door and in stepped the doctor. She was definitely Goten's type. Burnett hair and fake everything from her Gucci duffle bag looking thing to her fiery red shoes. This woman wasn't even remotely attractive in all the makeup she was wearing even though it looked as if she'd have a cute face but I didn't debate on that.

Ever since Pan and I started to date, I didn't really find any other woman attractive. Maybe I should tell Pan that to get her to forgive me. She usually likes to be flattered even if she smacks me.

"Trunks Briefs," she smiled. "What a pleasure to meet you! Goten's told me a lot about you!"

Goten gave her a confused look, "I did?"

From there I knew I was doomed. Trust Goten to be smitten by conniving chicks. Even though situations like these never put a dent into our friendship, I still felt guilty that some girls would use him to get to me and this seemed to be one of those situations. Maybe Goten's naivety _was_ a good thing and I should appreciate it more than I hate it.

She ignored him and walked to the side of my bed. I pulled the covers up further somehow hoping that the blanket would provide me protection against this woman. Never, ever, will I depend on Goten for a doctor again.

"Let's take your temperature honey," she gave a wink and pulled out her medical bag bending down in seductive fashion. Girls. They never change.

Then I sensed it. My eyes shot open in horror as did Goten's.

"Shit Goten! Pan's here! She'll kill me for sure this time!" I jumped out of the bed and looked out the window. Sure enough, there was Pan flying at top speed.

"Get her out of here!" I nearly threw the woman out the window while passing her to Goten.

"Hey, remember the role-play? We'll stick to that!" Goten said in urgency as he guided her toward the door.

This was not going to work! I'm so dead!

It only took a couple of more seconds for Pan to walk into the house and up the stairs and into my room. The moment her eyes laid on the woman, her eyes narrowed to slits.

"I love you!" I cried with my hands in front of my face. "I needed a doctor!" I added, hoping that it made sense and that she'd cool down.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Trunks."

I peeked at her in curiosity.

"I know you're an idiot but I've never questioned your faithfulness to me," she finished with a hand on her hip.

I wasn't sure if I should thank her and ask for her to elaborate. Thanking would be the quicker and easier way out so I did.

"However," she continued, her gaze shifted to the woman. "I don't understand why you have Paris in here to tend to you when she hasn't even been to college much less a medical degree."

"Say _what_?!" I snapped and glowered at my best friend. He gave me an, 'I didn't know' expression that I wanted to pound into the floor. I gritted my teeth and hoped to kill the idiot for nearly getting me overdosed by this potential murderer.

"Get. Her. Out." I bit off the words in anger. He left without a word. Surprisingly the girl – Paris – didn't say anything either.

Once the door was shut I fell back onto my bed and looked at the ceiling. I sneezed. I wanted to reverse time and stop myself from going jet skiing. Then I wouldn't be in this mess.

Pan came and sat down next to me. She looked around the room as if looking for something.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Just making sure that the girl didn't steal anything from your room," she replied with a shrug.

I groaned. I hadn't even thought of that possibility. "Hope not," I huffed. "I don't want my drawers on eBay."

She laughed. I gave a relaxed sigh and rubbed my temple, which was beginning to send flashes of pain across my forehead. My head was getting heavy and the congestion was building up. Pan guided her hand and rubbed my cheek affectionately.

"Does this mean you're going to help me?" I asked meekly.

She looked at me for a second before the corners of her mouth quirked. She gave a nod and pulled out a capsule from her pocket.

As she prepped her stuff, I took the time to appreciate the view. It was one gorgeous valley, if you get my drift.

"Mm," I groaned and stood up. Walking up to my door I locked it and turned back to bed. Pan gave a quizzical look before Goten started wiggling the doorknob.

"What?" I shouted.

"Dude, let me in," came the muffled reply and started pounding on the door.

"Go away, Pan and I are having sex," I yelled back.

"Trunks!" Pan gasped. It only added to the image so I didn't say anything.

"That's gross man!" he gave a disgusted snort and left without another word.

Pan glared at me, pink tinting her cheeks. "What'd you do that for?"

"We haven't had alone time for weeks," I explained, getting comfortable. "Now treat me sexy woman!"

I let her work her magic on me as I sighed in content. Life was good.

Two hours later, there was a knock at my door. I frowned, realizing that it was my mother. I wasn't feeling any better but I was emotionally happy to have my relationship back on track with Pan. I wasn't too keen on the idea of my mom interrupting what little peace I've had this past week so I debated on telling her to bother me later when I felt Goten again.

Good, maybe he's going to dissuade her into leaving Pan and me alone for a while. I heard muffled voices and strained to hear the conversation.

"What are they doing?" my mother asked. I could almost picture her with a hand-on-hip position, readying herself to knock down the door and anything else in her way.

"Having sex," Goten all but shouted.

Pan and I jolted up into an upright position from our spots on the bed and looked at each other with newfound horror. I'm so going to kill him! Hell to best friends, I didn't need one anymore.

"Bastard!" I growled, yanking my door open. "You know I was just saying that so I could have some time with Pan!"

Goten and my mom looked as if I'd grown another head but the fury was building faster than common sense.

Goten, finally realizing that I heard their little conversation bolted out the door leaving my mom staring at Pan on my bed. I distinctly heard her explaining why she was there when I reeled and shot back toward their direction. Pan must have forgotten that my mom didn't know about my trip or my being sick.

"Trunks' sick?" she questioned just when I reached them.

_Double damn!_


End file.
